toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
this is an emotional support booty call
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack