In the future we'll all be gay
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am midnight drunk by noon
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.