how can u be prego again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.