I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan