dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.