Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.