I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
