just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
