i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
