the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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