i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
