From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
