What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
