As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
