I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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