Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
