I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
