wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
