Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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