Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
