Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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