I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
