This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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