I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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