Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
