All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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