I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
