oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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