god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
