He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
