Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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