as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
