I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
