Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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