Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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