So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
