i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
