i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
