my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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