I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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