I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
