she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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