i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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