he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
