I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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