Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
