Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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