Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
