We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its not stalking. its research.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
