dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
