i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Shame is for Republicans.
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