Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
