so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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