oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My penis needs a shock collar
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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