Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
