I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
