Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
All I want is dick and wine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
