Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
