cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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