How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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