the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
