I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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